At the suggestion of my sister, Lisa, I have begun a list of things I never thought I would say to my kids. Her suggestion came after spending a week together chasing after our five crazy children.
1) "Kissing has nothing to do with marriage!" (this was directed to Lisa's older boys who were teasing Emma and Sam - both age 3 - who had decided innocently to get married. The boys were saying things like: "Ewwwww, are you going to kiss?" and "Yucky, don't kiss in front of us." I was trying to get them off the topic of kissing before they put ideas in Sam and Emma's heads.
2) "Don't hit the computer with a baseball bat!" This directed at James who was hitting the laptop with a foam baseball bat he and Sam had gotten for their birthday.
3) "Don't chew on your toenails!" Directed at Sam. Self explainatory and all I can say is... Yuck!
4) "Don't lick your brother!" My kids are animal lovers and frequently pretend to be various animals. The licking thing in particular is from their cousin Emma who was a kitty cat when we saw her at Christmas, it was how she kissed everyone.
I know there are more, but I am too tired to think of them right now. I'll write a take 2 as I add more to my list.