*Warning* The following is not for the faint of heart or the easily disgusted.
So as I was helping Samuel with his homework and cleaning the kitchen this afternoon, Matthew began to fuss while in his exersaucer. "Hang in there, Matthew, we are almost done," I assured him as I continued to wipe the counters. Matthew was persistant so I turned to look at him. "Hey buddy, what is wrong?" I looked down at the bottom of the exersaucer and saw this orangish brown goop all over, then the smell hit me.
You know, at times like these, parents go through a series of steps:
Step 1 discovery
"What is that? Is that...? Oh. My. Goodness."
Step 2 comprehension
"Is that poop?! Is that poop all over your clothes and the exersaucer and are you JUMPING IN IT???!!"
Step 3 game plan
"OK, it's ok. Let's ummm..."
At first glance the situation seems impossible. One may even be tempted to put the desecrated item (baby and all) out on the curb for trash pick up. Generally, not a good idea, but certainly easier than the realistic choice, the inevitable choice... I think I am going to be sick!
Step 4 clean up (several steps in one)
First, save the baby. Once his clothes have been scraped down so that I can get them off, with a minimal amount of spreading the mess, it is up to the bathtub. I don't even worry about telling my older boys to stay away from ground zero, the smell does that on its own.
Next, with bathtime complete my much cleaner and happier baby is back in clean clothes and placed on the floor of the family room while I confront the disaster area. "Maybe we don't need a kitchen anymore." I think to myself, "Couldn't we just seal it off?"
Step 5 reflection
Having suffered from constipation for at least half his life, part of me is proud of Matthew for finally getting over that. A very, very small part. The rest of me is ready for a vacation- without kids!
And what did my little charmer do while I was cleaning up? Why, make another mess, of course! At least this one is only paper. He found my pile of mail.